Requiem for a Cow

I obviously have not been in a blogging mood lately.  I really am trying to come to terms with my new way of life.  This past year has been filled with a lot of misery for me, physically.  I've lived with chronic asthma, migraines, fatigue, severe stomach cramps, vomiting, and hives.  I guess I'm at least thankful I know what's been causing my problems:  food allergies!  I've spent my married life immersing myself into homemaking, natural living, cooking from scratch, tweaking recipes to perfection, and cake decorating.  Now, I'm having to forget everything I've learned (and it's killing me!).  My new life will be without milk, butter, cheese, whey, casein, rice, fish, shellfish, and eggs.  I just hope and pray I don't have to add coffee to this list, as I am definitely allergic to coffee.  So far, I've been able to tolerate it (with hives) in small amounts.  That means.....

• no half and half in my coffee
• no pizza, tacos, lasagna, baked ziti, or homemade macaroni and cheese
• no Chinese food or rice casserole dishes
• no white chocolate cheesecake or strawberries and cream pie or dirt cake
• no ice cream or fruit dips and spreads
• no Ranch or Thousand Island salad dressings
• no pumpkin spice lattes or white chocolate mochas
• no mayonnaise, sour cream, cream cheese, or whipping cream
• no fast food or restaurants, and very little food not cooked by myself
• no gravy or creamy soups or bouillon 
• no baked fish or grilled shrimp or shrimp boil
• no milk chocolate or white chocolate or crock pot candy at Christmas
• no alfredo or chowder

I could go on.  It's depressing.  And there's no cure. Instead of browsing recipes to cook for my family, I am now keeping up with an epi-pen, reading labels, exchanging my iPhone recipe apps for allergy apps, and living in fear of when the pain will strike again.

After 2 terrible episodes last week, I'd had just about all I could take Saturday evening.  I just went to bed in tears.  I'm so thankful to say that I woke up Sunday morning actually feeling good for the first time in weeks.  Pain free and with energy!  The Lord knew I needed that, and I'm so thankful.  I'm thankful it is something I can live with and still enjoy all the blessings the Lord has given me.  Living in a land where we eat 3 meals a day, it has affected me greatly, and yet, it could be much worse.

I spent this past week listening to Brahm's Requiem as I meditated and remembered all the victims and lives devastated on September 11.  I found that the Requiem quite fit my overall mood for this past year.  Some parts of my homemaking (and thus, my identity) are just going to have to be laid to rest.  I have finally resigned myself to stop obsessing over "substitutes" for everything, and just focus on what I can eat.  I guess I can stop asking Jason for that milk cow I've always wanted for fresh milk, cream, and butter.  I'm not going to volunteer to cook (as I usually do), and maybe I'll finally reach that Weight Watchers goal sooner rather than later.

So, farewell, dear cow and all your dairy delights.  Hopefully, I can lay a little cellulite to rest with you.  (I haven't lost my sense of humor ;-))