God Doesn't Have Any Grandchildren

For those of you who don't subscribe to No Greater Joy magazine (it's free), or who haven't taken time to read the articles yet, here's a link to a wonderful article in the most recent issue:

God Doesn't Have Any Grandchildren by Michael Pearl

I suppose every Christian parent's worst fear and greatest joy, is how his/her own children respond to the call of the Savior. At least for me, it is something that is never far from my mind, and I never feel more inadequate than I do when I contemplate how utterly responsible I am during these first formative years, in directing their hearts toward the Lord. This article came at a time when I had already been thinking on this very subject for several weeks now, mainly for two reasons. First of all, my chronological Bible reading has me in the book of Samuel right now; and secondly, because of the delightful changes and maturity that we are seeing in our Seth right now. Let me explain...

When Seth, our 3rd child, was born, I was absolutely shocked at how different he was from the others. Every child is selfish, stubborn, and strong-willed (Prov. 22:15), but Seth was different than my other two. From the start, as a baby, he would make eye contact with me and challenge me. It was on. To make matters worse, we moved to a new town, were miserable, I was pregnant and exhausted, Jason was working and preaching night and day...it was the perfect opportunity for Satan to creep in and allow me to lose the heart of one of my children. All kids go through phases where they need special help and training and discipline, but I knew instinctively that I had a serious problem on my hands, one with eternal consequences. My boy had no fear of punishment, the highest tolerance for pain of any child I've seen, and he delighted in getting other people upset (mainly ME). And to top it all, he is a beautiful, friendly, smart, charming child that other people always pay extra attention to, and laugh at every sinful little antic he performs. It would have been so easy just to brush him off as a "strong-willed" case, and just to laugh along with him, make him the center of our lives , and spoil him rotten....but as a Christian I just couldn't do that. I tried everything I knew to do. I tossed my James Dobson (and other copycats) book in the trash, and fell to my knees weeping to the Lord to give me some direction. What followed in the next few weeks was the most real battle with Satan I've ever had. I found myself shaking my fist at that Devil and just screaming at him, "You can NOT have my child!" The more helpless I got, the more the Lord began to show me.

The first thing that happened, was I opened my Bible to I Samuel, and read where the Lord called young Samuel to His service. I've read this so many times, but certain things jumped out at me so clearly. Eli was an authority figure to Samuel, and Samuel had been trained to immediately come and obey when Eli called for him. As Samuel lay in his bed sleeping, he thought he heard Eli's voice. He didn't hesitate for a moment; instead, he immediately jumped out of bed (3 times) and calmly, without any rebellion or resentment, inquired what Eli wanted. Of course, as the account reads, it wasn't Eli, but the Lord Who was calling the young child. From this, the Lord showed me that even a young child is held responsible for his response to God and his God-given conscience (Prov. 20:11); but more importantly for me as a parent, that the most effective thing I can do to prepare my children to answer the call of salvation is to teach them to come cheerfully when they are called, and to obey immediately. I can't accept salvation on their behalves, but I can prepare their hearts to submit when the call comes.

Well, looking at my little rebel, this frightened me into action. (Some things are much easier said than done!) Every family is different, but there are several deliberate things that we changed, or steps that we took, as a family to help our beautiful little cotton-top boy. I'll list some of the things we discussed and implemented.

1. No more talking about Seth in front of Seth. In other words, we didn't want him to think that we expected him to disobey. He is expected to flow with the family rules like everyone else, or he gets excluded; rather than everyone else having their meal or evening or outing spoiled.

2. No losing temper or showing exasperation from Mom and Dad. It's like adding gas to a fire. Part of the thrill of being a rebellious child is knowing that you can manipulate perfectly normal people into acting like pure idiots....and then they feel guilty and pet you! I could say a lot more here, but I don't want to open myself up on the internet to ridicule by all those "bozos" who oppose the Biblical rod.

3. W - I - N . It's that simple. (I got this from Michael Pearl) As the parent who weighs 100+ pounds more than that hobbit-sized challenger, there really is no excuse for you not to win each and every confrontation. If that means standing outside the bedroom door (holding a mirror so you can see him but he can't see you...I was desperate!) for 3 hours until the child finally realizes that you actually mean to stay in the bed, then it is 3 hours well spent. (If this is a problem for you, ask me about my "Seth tape"...)W - I - N. W - I - N. W - I - N.

4. Limit chaos and distractions. Loud television, loud music, busy places...all these are too much stimulation for children who already struggle with self-control. Help them out by staying home, and providing them with a peaceful environment with a lot of creative outlets. Take time to paint, color, play outside, pick flowers. Oftentimes, children, especially those who mature earlier, are simply bored into misbehavior. Besides, staying home affords you the extra "love and cuddle" time you need with this baby who is struggling through this most difficult time.

5. Insist on adequate rest and naps. All my children take naps until they reach 5 years old. End of discussion. But, of course, Seth was appalled at this idea. He would get up before I would even leave the room, and after several spankings and thinking he was finally going to stay...he would get out of bed and yell, "Mom, he's up," to spare his older siblings from having to tell on him. Talk about bold! It breaks my heart to see Mamas yelling and getting ill with their little bratty kids, when the children are so obviously just exhausted. You fish around and find that the child was up until midnight, up at dawn, and "just won't take a nap". Really?

6. Another thing that I knew I had to do, was to keep Seth by MY side at all times. This went on for a solid year, and I still insist that all my kids stay close to home most of the time. If I went to the store, he went. If I went to a meeting, he went. I never left him. The main reason is that he was so manipulative with everyone else, that I knew if I let him have just one day or even one afternoon of rebellion and disobedience, I would have to start all over from scratch. This can be exhausting for Mom, but I found it very necessary. It's true I made a lot of people mad, and grandparents sure didn't understand, but I wasn't responsible for anyone but my own kids. In time, they have all seen the benefits of my doing this. Seth needed that constant vigil over his soul that only I could provide.

7. Another thing I had to do, was lay aside my pride, and quit worrying about what others thought or said about me or about Seth. As a pastor's wife, this was very hard. But I resolved never to discipline Seth for anything that I had not specifically taken time to teach and train him about how to act in that situation. And also, never to shame him in public, even if he was guilty. Most of the time, this is done for the parent's sake or reputation; not for the child's benefit. This has developed an understanding and a trust between me and Seth that I wouldn't trade for anything. He can trust that I'll take time to look him straight in the eye, help him calm down, and listen to his request (if he approaches me politely), no matter who is standing nearby.

8. Two Biblically sound books that greatly helped me and Jason were "To Train Up a Child" by Michael Pearl, and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.

Seth is now almost 5 years old. The battle is by no means won, and I'm not relaxing or letting my guard down. However, as he matures we see so many blessings in his life...and they mean so much to me because they were won by hard fighting! He thinks of the Lord often, and constantly asks questions about Jesus and also about Satan. He understands that Satan hates him, and that Jesus loves him. He listens to every word of his dad's preaching, and sits with his Bible open through almost every church service. He knows the words to so many of the old hymns, and he sings like a song bird. He makes up his own songs when he is alone in his room, and they usually start out "Oh, Jesus is so wonderful" in his little angelic voice. He tells me many mornings, "Mama, Jesus came and talked to me when I was in my bed last night," and I believe him. These things might sound cute to you, but they sound miraculous to me. If you only knew....

Raising children is not for the faint-hearted, and it can't be done in the evenings and on weekends. It is a constant, 24-hour watch, but with the Lord's help, the journey itself can be as fun as the destination. As the Apostle John said, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." Have you prayed for your children today?